“Judges such as the one who convicted Jennifer Johnson are pronouncing not so much “I care about your baby” as “You don’t deserve to be a mother.” (Roberts 10)
This quote from “Punishing Drug Addicts With Babies” is incredibly powerful and very true. As a society we are more likely take a negative approach to every situation. Most people forget that they are trying to improve their lives and others. An example is when we kill dandelions. Are you killing the dandelion because you are trying to help the grass from being killed by it, or is it because you just don’t like it? Weeds are plants too, like grass, but because they aren’t like everyone else we kill them instead of planting them somewhere else.
This is much like pregnant women who use drugs. They are different because they abuse a substance but instead of “planting them somewhere else” and helping them. We basically sentence them or their babies to death.
This death might not be immediate. It will most likely be a long and hard path. One that we think is changeable by simply separating a baby from and addict mother. It is a lot easier to direct a statement at something that you can see, feel, touch, and hear, like the mother. An unborn baby is inside and covered by this mother, so it’s much easier to accept the idea that this baby is not human. Even though that baby is a tiny human, we can’t see it, we can’t touch it, but we know its there… Babies cannot control who their parents are and the womb they will develop in, so it is that point the judicial system needs to consider. It’s a difficult situation. Do you consider the mother and baby as one unit or as separate units? I mean if you sit down and think about it, a mother and child regardless of the situation are always going to be connected.
I have also thought a great deal about Shannon’s statement of treating couples together. On paper this sounds like a wonderful solution, but the actual execution of it is more difficult. The relationships of these couples are not always the most stable. I have a friend who was in a drug relationship. I don’t think her partner even had to do anything, the drug courted her and soon she was head over heels. If drugs are the only component of a relationship getting even one member of the pair to partake in treatment is difficult, alone both of them. I even question whether there is love in these relationships or whether it is just enabling. Another issue comes in the fact that if one side falls they both go down. An alternative situation, which involves one user and one non user is just as difficult. In most cases, unless you have been a user or have been surrounded by one, you will never fully understand what the other person is going through. I would love to think that people are willing to help the people they love out, but sometimes the substance is more powerful than any feeling.
Personally, I think that a person should seek individual treatment followed by couple’s treatment. I think it is more beneficial for a person to “find” themselves and then see how the new “them” interacts with their partner. As good of a support a partner is, they are also the worst enemy for an addict.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Guided Blog #4
After reading, seeing, and discussing parenting seems so hard. There is not a correct formula for parenting and teaching your offspring about the harsh realities of life. We can look at Koren, an upper-middle class white girl, with all of the tools and resources to succeed, yet she abused alcohol. Her parents were married and seemed to have a good relationship. They spoke to her about drugs and other issues in a relaxed manner, but none the less they were there.
Then we have Jessica and Michelle. Like Koren, Jessica is a white female raised in a upper-middle class neighborhood with at least two parents. She has an incredibly loving mother who cares about her deeply. Michelle parents Jessica in an extremely relaxed style, which focus’ on being her friend more than a parent. It also can be observed that Jessica’s Step-father is not part of parenting her.
Finally, there is Afeni Shakur. A single, black mother addicted to drugs, active in political groups, and extremely impoverished. She was incredibly straightforward with Tupac and her daughter, but wasn’t always around. Afeni was also in jail a great deal as well.
Oddly enough, I almost think that Tupac had the best upbringing. He may have not had money or a stable parent. However, this absence taught him to fend for himself and to be creative. When Afeni was present in his life, she was not afraid to say no and inform him of the repercussions of his actions.
It almost doesn’t matter if you have two parents and a lot of money, because unless your parents teach you about life, through either experience or discussion, a child will not learn. Even if they teach themselves, the manner in which they do may not be correct. Koren and Jessica both had parents, but the fact that Koren’s set were oblivious to her behavior and Jessica’s mom was more concerned with friendship than parenting are equivalent to them not even being there. In essence, Koren and Jessica were parentless for majority of their lives. Nobody taught those girls about alcohol and its evils. Nobody told them about drugs and sex. Most importantly people rarely said no or intervened. The fact that Jessica admits to blacking out four times a week to her mother is disgusting. Michelle appears somewhat bothered, but is more concerned with her 30 day binge drinking experiment. Koren’s mother does something similar but saying, you can drink but only with us.(too bad it was already too late to impose that rule)
This is not to say that Afeni Shakur deserves any parent of the year awards. She was a drug addict and a Black Panther, but she never forgot her children. She made many mistakes but she was there to say No and teach her kids about life on the streets. She worked hard to be both parents and keep a roof over her family’s head in a time when her race, gender, political views, social status, relationship status, and use of drugs oppressed her.
In the end I was more upset with the fact that Jessica and Koren were extremely privileged and used all of their resources in a destructive manner. More importantly, those girls didn’t even appreciate their parents. In fact, Koren seemed more bothered by their presence than anything. Tupac definitely made some mistakes but he rose above the obstacles and oppressions by educating himself and appreciating the woman who gave him life. There is no proper way to rear a child and mistakes are inevitable, but it is better to make mistakes than live in fear of making them and not doing anything at all.
Then we have Jessica and Michelle. Like Koren, Jessica is a white female raised in a upper-middle class neighborhood with at least two parents. She has an incredibly loving mother who cares about her deeply. Michelle parents Jessica in an extremely relaxed style, which focus’ on being her friend more than a parent. It also can be observed that Jessica’s Step-father is not part of parenting her.
Finally, there is Afeni Shakur. A single, black mother addicted to drugs, active in political groups, and extremely impoverished. She was incredibly straightforward with Tupac and her daughter, but wasn’t always around. Afeni was also in jail a great deal as well.
Oddly enough, I almost think that Tupac had the best upbringing. He may have not had money or a stable parent. However, this absence taught him to fend for himself and to be creative. When Afeni was present in his life, she was not afraid to say no and inform him of the repercussions of his actions.
It almost doesn’t matter if you have two parents and a lot of money, because unless your parents teach you about life, through either experience or discussion, a child will not learn. Even if they teach themselves, the manner in which they do may not be correct. Koren and Jessica both had parents, but the fact that Koren’s set were oblivious to her behavior and Jessica’s mom was more concerned with friendship than parenting are equivalent to them not even being there. In essence, Koren and Jessica were parentless for majority of their lives. Nobody taught those girls about alcohol and its evils. Nobody told them about drugs and sex. Most importantly people rarely said no or intervened. The fact that Jessica admits to blacking out four times a week to her mother is disgusting. Michelle appears somewhat bothered, but is more concerned with her 30 day binge drinking experiment. Koren’s mother does something similar but saying, you can drink but only with us.(too bad it was already too late to impose that rule)
This is not to say that Afeni Shakur deserves any parent of the year awards. She was a drug addict and a Black Panther, but she never forgot her children. She made many mistakes but she was there to say No and teach her kids about life on the streets. She worked hard to be both parents and keep a roof over her family’s head in a time when her race, gender, political views, social status, relationship status, and use of drugs oppressed her.
In the end I was more upset with the fact that Jessica and Koren were extremely privileged and used all of their resources in a destructive manner. More importantly, those girls didn’t even appreciate their parents. In fact, Koren seemed more bothered by their presence than anything. Tupac definitely made some mistakes but he rose above the obstacles and oppressions by educating himself and appreciating the woman who gave him life. There is no proper way to rear a child and mistakes are inevitable, but it is better to make mistakes than live in fear of making them and not doing anything at all.
Friday, July 11, 2008
A letter to Koren
Dear Koren,
In one of my favorite movies, A Bronx Tale, they say, “the saddest thing in life is a wasted talent.” Well you were a waste. You can write a book of excuses as to why you did what you did, but in the end they are only just excuses. Not once did you take any accountability for your actions and that to me is bothersome. When you woke up next to a random guy because you were drunk the previous night, why didn’t that put you in check? The first step to fixing yourself is admitting you have a problem. You are an alcoholic. You are way beyond just an abuser. I know abusers and binge drinkers, and they cannot even begin to hold a candle to you. But, you may define your issues as you wish.
When I read your book, I started off with sympathy for you. I tried so hard to emphasize with someone in your position, but I just couldn’t. You had everything in front of you, all the tools for success. Were you trying to rebel? Were you spiteful of your parents or just an angry teen? It is so difficult for me to imagine how your life came to be this way. Your descriptions of alcohol and the way it makes you feel is so disturbing. You are a girl that had everything in life, beauty, brains, and a good family. All of those factors could have led to an happy life doing whatever you pleased. But you ruined it…
However, you did eventually make a change and I do applaud you for that. I respect the courage it took to write this book and admit all the shameful acts you committed as a youth. There is one aspect of this whole production that does perturb me. You say that you wrote this book to inform young girls about drinking, alcohol abuse, and the college experience, which motivations to help. That being said, Do you think it’s right that you profit from your deviant behaviors. If you really wanted to help others in your position then you could use the proceeds to build a hospital specifically for young girls facing the same issues you had. It almost seems as if you wrote this book for shock value and to better your future career as a novelist.
I went on your website to see if I was wrong about you, and this is what I found:
In one of my favorite movies, A Bronx Tale, they say, “the saddest thing in life is a wasted talent.” Well you were a waste. You can write a book of excuses as to why you did what you did, but in the end they are only just excuses. Not once did you take any accountability for your actions and that to me is bothersome. When you woke up next to a random guy because you were drunk the previous night, why didn’t that put you in check? The first step to fixing yourself is admitting you have a problem. You are an alcoholic. You are way beyond just an abuser. I know abusers and binge drinkers, and they cannot even begin to hold a candle to you. But, you may define your issues as you wish.
When I read your book, I started off with sympathy for you. I tried so hard to emphasize with someone in your position, but I just couldn’t. You had everything in front of you, all the tools for success. Were you trying to rebel? Were you spiteful of your parents or just an angry teen? It is so difficult for me to imagine how your life came to be this way. Your descriptions of alcohol and the way it makes you feel is so disturbing. You are a girl that had everything in life, beauty, brains, and a good family. All of those factors could have led to an happy life doing whatever you pleased. But you ruined it…
However, you did eventually make a change and I do applaud you for that. I respect the courage it took to write this book and admit all the shameful acts you committed as a youth. There is one aspect of this whole production that does perturb me. You say that you wrote this book to inform young girls about drinking, alcohol abuse, and the college experience, which motivations to help. That being said, Do you think it’s right that you profit from your deviant behaviors. If you really wanted to help others in your position then you could use the proceeds to build a hospital specifically for young girls facing the same issues you had. It almost seems as if you wrote this book for shock value and to better your future career as a novelist.
I went on your website to see if I was wrong about you, and this is what I found:
What are your plans for the immediate future?
I'd like to keep on writing, reading, paying rent, paying taxes, paying my debt to society. Likewise, I hope to keep traveling, keep pissing people off, keep doing things I'll live to regret.(korenzalickas.com)
Then I learned that you have even sold the rights of the book to a production company. If anything, make sure that this movie is done properly, and that the underlying message of your book is not lost. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that I wrong about you. I don’t believe you have learned. Pissing people off and doing things you’ll live to forget? Didn’t you do enough of that already Koren?? At some point you have to grow up…
There is one thing I wondered about and that is your sister. What did your lifestyle do you her? When she was younger, she was not privileged to your deviance, but she had to figure it out. I hope that she didn’t follow your path, and I can only hope that someday you raise a daughter of your own and teach her not to make the same mistakes you made. I wish you the best in life, but I don’t ever want to meet you.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Guided Blog #2
Kasl connected the terms hierarchy, patriarchy, and capitalism in an interesting way. She says that Patriarchy and hierarchy are based on subordination, which causes fear. Fear is expressed differently by both groups. The dominators show their fear by using force and violence, and the subordinates are left to repress their anger and just basically take it. This leads to internalization and turmoil within, eventually leading to the use of addictive behaviors/substance abuse. Kasl’s article got me to thinking about products in every day life, and I’m either right or completely off. So here goes.
Think about something as simple as “pop” or “soda” Millions of people drink pop everyday. Some of us drink it when we wake up, at work, at the bar with a splash of [insert spirit of choice here], when watching our nightly shows, before bed, and some college campus are even contractually “ruled” by some companies.
For the sake of this argument we will use Coca-Cola, which is run by a board of directors consisting of twelve men (all white) and two women (both of whom are honorary members) There’s are patriarchy and hierarchy. Combine this with capitalism and here is our somewhat, “lethal brew” The government,(those white upper class Christian men) tell us what we want. They are both the hierarchy and patriarchy and control capitalism. The hierarchy, in this case the government (Coca-Cola and FDA) tells us what we should drink, when we should drink it, and how. They strike fear in our hearts by telling us that if we drink too much “pop” we will get fat, so to do us a favor there is a healthier alternative.
From that comes Caffeine free Diet Coke….GROSS. What is caffeine free diet coke? There are no calories, no sugar, no caffeine…just aspartame and water. And who knows…how safe is aspartame anyway? It is basically a shell of what we think we want. However, what we want is not really our choice anyway. Why should we drink regular coke when Cindy Crawford is drinking Diet Coke? She is what every man wants, so lets make the change…. Society (cough cough men) likes sexiness and thinness, so by making us feel, insecure about our bodies and weight they rely on capitalism.
For most of us, they reeled us in as children and got us addicted. With catchy jingles and celebrity backing, we all wanted a coke. However, slowing metabolisms, increasing waist sizes, and help from the thoughtful MEN at Coca Cola, introduced us to diet coke. They market this beverage to women, so we can still enjoy the taste of coke…however it’s not really coke it’s the absence of what we really love about coke, in essence it’s nothing we want at all. The can is the same but it’s not nearly as satisfying. It’s okay though because women don’t really know what they want anyway, THAT’S WHY WE HAVE MEN! :-) Enjoy your aspartame and water!
Think about something as simple as “pop” or “soda” Millions of people drink pop everyday. Some of us drink it when we wake up, at work, at the bar with a splash of [insert spirit of choice here], when watching our nightly shows, before bed, and some college campus are even contractually “ruled” by some companies.
For the sake of this argument we will use Coca-Cola, which is run by a board of directors consisting of twelve men (all white) and two women (both of whom are honorary members) There’s are patriarchy and hierarchy. Combine this with capitalism and here is our somewhat, “lethal brew” The government,(those white upper class Christian men) tell us what we want. They are both the hierarchy and patriarchy and control capitalism. The hierarchy, in this case the government (Coca-Cola and FDA) tells us what we should drink, when we should drink it, and how. They strike fear in our hearts by telling us that if we drink too much “pop” we will get fat, so to do us a favor there is a healthier alternative.
From that comes Caffeine free Diet Coke….GROSS. What is caffeine free diet coke? There are no calories, no sugar, no caffeine…just aspartame and water. And who knows…how safe is aspartame anyway? It is basically a shell of what we think we want. However, what we want is not really our choice anyway. Why should we drink regular coke when Cindy Crawford is drinking Diet Coke? She is what every man wants, so lets make the change…. Society (cough cough men) likes sexiness and thinness, so by making us feel, insecure about our bodies and weight they rely on capitalism.
For most of us, they reeled us in as children and got us addicted. With catchy jingles and celebrity backing, we all wanted a coke. However, slowing metabolisms, increasing waist sizes, and help from the thoughtful MEN at Coca Cola, introduced us to diet coke. They market this beverage to women, so we can still enjoy the taste of coke…however it’s not really coke it’s the absence of what we really love about coke, in essence it’s nothing we want at all. The can is the same but it’s not nearly as satisfying. It’s okay though because women don’t really know what they want anyway, THAT’S WHY WE HAVE MEN! :-) Enjoy your aspartame and water!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Women and Addiction...
It can happen to anyone, anywhere, of any age, and at any time…When I think of addiction, I think of free-roaming vagabonds with brown paper bags or shaking panhandlers tucked in corners. However, addiction is not limited to drugs. People can be addicted to sex, food, exercise, and other nontraditional things. Addiction also does not discriminate. It would be ignorant to assume that all people with addictions are living on the streets, because in fact addiction affects people of all races, genders, ages, and socio-economic classes.
Women are just one classification of people with problems. The group of women can be further broken down by race, sexual orientation, social class, and others. It is oppression or the inability to cope with one or more of these identities that can be the start of such an affliction.
My personal experience with addiction involves my aunt. She was born to a middle-class household, and is the youngest of six siblings. She married a extremely wealthy steel magnate and had three children with him. The issues could be seen even before their marriage took place. The source of fun and socializing centered on alcohol, in fact when you look at any picture of them, they would preface it by saying, “we got hammered there,” or “ that was the best (insert alcohol type here) I’ve ever had.” This issue further escalated, when her husband became more involved with work, and left my Aunt at home to raise three kids and with a nanny. Since there was a nanny, my aunt felt her role as a mother was not needed, so she spent her afternoons drinking in her large walk-in closet and sleeping the day away. As her children grew to teens she would get drunk and hit on their friends. For ten years, the children lacked a mother and her husband lacked a wife. She isolated herself from society and her family basically leaving her only friend to be Jack Daniels. It wasn’t until she was hospitalized and part of her liver was removed that she decided to go to rehab. I look back and can empathize with her, for she was not ready to be a mother or a wife and her inability to cope led her to hit the bottle. Unfortunately, she traded alcohol for pain pills, which doctors do not even hesitate to describe her because of all the damage the alcohol in her system.
That is just one story, which unfortunately, is not uncommon. Women battle on a daily basis. Society and the media usually only examine the most extreme instances of addiction. They look at famous people, for example like Tatum O’Neal, who just recently was arrested for attempting to purchase drugs in New York’s Central Park. Her excuse was that her dog died and that she was researching a role. Her problem is magnified and fortunately for her fame, she will receive the proper help. It is those that are unable to afford the necessary assistance or are reluctant to go to rehab that meet their end.
Addiction is not something to be taken lightly and regardless of whether you are addicted to meth or shopping it will still ruin your life. The media and marketing companies perpetuate many of these addictions, by setting beauty ideals, identifying what is trendy, alienating certain groups, and portraying the abuse of substances in a non-negative way. Our responsibility as mothers, women, sisters, friends, coworkers, etc… is to shed light on problems and intervene before addiction gets the best of someone you know.
Women are just one classification of people with problems. The group of women can be further broken down by race, sexual orientation, social class, and others. It is oppression or the inability to cope with one or more of these identities that can be the start of such an affliction.
My personal experience with addiction involves my aunt. She was born to a middle-class household, and is the youngest of six siblings. She married a extremely wealthy steel magnate and had three children with him. The issues could be seen even before their marriage took place. The source of fun and socializing centered on alcohol, in fact when you look at any picture of them, they would preface it by saying, “we got hammered there,” or “ that was the best (insert alcohol type here) I’ve ever had.” This issue further escalated, when her husband became more involved with work, and left my Aunt at home to raise three kids and with a nanny. Since there was a nanny, my aunt felt her role as a mother was not needed, so she spent her afternoons drinking in her large walk-in closet and sleeping the day away. As her children grew to teens she would get drunk and hit on their friends. For ten years, the children lacked a mother and her husband lacked a wife. She isolated herself from society and her family basically leaving her only friend to be Jack Daniels. It wasn’t until she was hospitalized and part of her liver was removed that she decided to go to rehab. I look back and can empathize with her, for she was not ready to be a mother or a wife and her inability to cope led her to hit the bottle. Unfortunately, she traded alcohol for pain pills, which doctors do not even hesitate to describe her because of all the damage the alcohol in her system.
That is just one story, which unfortunately, is not uncommon. Women battle on a daily basis. Society and the media usually only examine the most extreme instances of addiction. They look at famous people, for example like Tatum O’Neal, who just recently was arrested for attempting to purchase drugs in New York’s Central Park. Her excuse was that her dog died and that she was researching a role. Her problem is magnified and fortunately for her fame, she will receive the proper help. It is those that are unable to afford the necessary assistance or are reluctant to go to rehab that meet their end.
Addiction is not something to be taken lightly and regardless of whether you are addicted to meth or shopping it will still ruin your life. The media and marketing companies perpetuate many of these addictions, by setting beauty ideals, identifying what is trendy, alienating certain groups, and portraying the abuse of substances in a non-negative way. Our responsibility as mothers, women, sisters, friends, coworkers, etc… is to shed light on problems and intervene before addiction gets the best of someone you know.
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