Quote/Shannon

“Judges such as the one who convicted Jennifer Johnson are pronouncing not so much “I care about your baby” as “You don’t deserve to be a mother.” (Roberts 10)
This quote from “Punishing Drug Addicts With Babies” is incredibly powerful and very true. As a society we are more likely take a negative approach to every situation. Most people forget that they are trying to improve their lives and others. An example is when we kill dandelions. Are you killing the dandelion because you are trying to help the grass from being killed by it, or is it because you just don’t like it? Weeds are plants too, like grass, but because they aren’t like everyone else we kill them instead of planting them somewhere else.
This is much like pregnant women who use drugs. They are different because they abuse a substance but instead of “planting them somewhere else” and helping them. We basically sentence them or their babies to death.
This death might not be immediate. It will most likely be a long and hard path. One that we think is changeable by simply separating a baby from and addict mother. It is a lot easier to direct a statement at something that you can see, feel, touch, and hear, like the mother. An unborn baby is inside and covered by this mother, so it’s much easier to accept the idea that this baby is not human. Even though that baby is a tiny human, we can’t see it, we can’t touch it, but we know its there… Babies cannot control who their parents are and the womb they will develop in, so it is that point the judicial system needs to consider. It’s a difficult situation. Do you consider the mother and baby as one unit or as separate units? I mean if you sit down and think about it, a mother and child regardless of the situation are always going to be connected.
I have also thought a great deal about Shannon’s statement of treating couples together. On paper this sounds like a wonderful solution, but the actual execution of it is more difficult. The relationships of these couples are not always the most stable. I have a friend who was in a drug relationship. I don’t think her partner even had to do anything, the drug courted her and soon she was head over heels. If drugs are the only component of a relationship getting even one member of the pair to partake in treatment is difficult, alone both of them. I even question whether there is love in these relationships or whether it is just enabling. Another issue comes in the fact that if one side falls they both go down. An alternative situation, which involves one user and one non user is just as difficult. In most cases, unless you have been a user or have been surrounded by one, you will never fully understand what the other person is going through. I would love to think that people are willing to help the people they love out, but sometimes the substance is more powerful than any feeling.
Personally, I think that a person should seek individual treatment followed by couple’s treatment. I think it is more beneficial for a person to “find” themselves and then see how the new “them” interacts with their partner. As good of a support a partner is, they are also the worst enemy for an addict.

Guided Blog #4

After reading, seeing, and discussing parenting seems so hard. There is not a correct formula for parenting and teaching your offspring about the harsh realities of life. We can look at Koren, an upper-middle class white girl, with all of the tools and resources to succeed, yet she abused alcohol. Her parents were married and seemed to have a good relationship. They spoke to her about drugs and other issues in a relaxed manner, but none the less they were there.
Then we have Jessica and Michelle. Like Koren, Jessica is a white female raised in a upper-middle class neighborhood with at least two parents. She has an incredibly loving mother who cares about her deeply. Michelle parents Jessica in an extremely relaxed style, which focus’ on being her friend more than a parent. It also can be observed that Jessica’s Step-father is not part of parenting her.
Finally, there is Afeni Shakur. A single, black mother addicted to drugs, active in political groups, and extremely impoverished. She was incredibly straightforward with Tupac and her daughter, but wasn’t always around. Afeni was also in jail a great deal as well.
Oddly enough, I almost think that Tupac had the best upbringing. He may have not had money or a stable parent. However, this absence taught him to fend for himself and to be creative. When Afeni was present in his life, she was not afraid to say no and inform him of the repercussions of his actions.
It almost doesn’t matter if you have two parents and a lot of money, because unless your parents teach you about life, through either experience or discussion, a child will not learn. Even if they teach themselves, the manner in which they do may not be correct. Koren and Jessica both had parents, but the fact that Koren’s set were oblivious to her behavior and Jessica’s mom was more concerned with friendship than parenting are equivalent to them not even being there. In essence, Koren and Jessica were parentless for majority of their lives. Nobody taught those girls about alcohol and its evils. Nobody told them about drugs and sex. Most importantly people rarely said no or intervened. The fact that Jessica admits to blacking out four times a week to her mother is disgusting. Michelle appears somewhat bothered, but is more concerned with her 30 day binge drinking experiment. Koren’s mother does something similar but saying, you can drink but only with us.(too bad it was already too late to impose that rule)
This is not to say that Afeni Shakur deserves any parent of the year awards. She was a drug addict and a Black Panther, but she never forgot her children. She made many mistakes but she was there to say No and teach her kids about life on the streets. She worked hard to be both parents and keep a roof over her family’s head in a time when her race, gender, political views, social status, relationship status, and use of drugs oppressed her.
In the end I was more upset with the fact that Jessica and Koren were extremely privileged and used all of their resources in a destructive manner. More importantly, those girls didn’t even appreciate their parents. In fact, Koren seemed more bothered by their presence than anything. Tupac definitely made some mistakes but he rose above the obstacles and oppressions by educating himself and appreciating the woman who gave him life. There is no proper way to rear a child and mistakes are inevitable, but it is better to make mistakes than live in fear of making them and not doing anything at all.

A letter to Koren

Dear Koren,
In one of my favorite movies, A Bronx Tale, they say, “the saddest thing in life is a wasted talent.” Well you were a waste. You can write a book of excuses as to why you did what you did, but in the end they are only just excuses. Not once did you take any accountability for your actions and that to me is bothersome. When you woke up next to a random guy because you were drunk the previous night, why didn’t that put you in check? The first step to fixing yourself is admitting you have a problem. You are an alcoholic. You are way beyond just an abuser. I know abusers and binge drinkers, and they cannot even begin to hold a candle to you. But, you may define your issues as you wish.
When I read your book, I started off with sympathy for you. I tried so hard to emphasize with someone in your position, but I just couldn’t. You had everything in front of you, all the tools for success. Were you trying to rebel? Were you spiteful of your parents or just an angry teen? It is so difficult for me to imagine how your life came to be this way. Your descriptions of alcohol and the way it makes you feel is so disturbing. You are a girl that had everything in life, beauty, brains, and a good family. All of those factors could have led to an happy life doing whatever you pleased. But you ruined it…
However, you did eventually make a change and I do applaud you for that. I respect the courage it took to write this book and admit all the shameful acts you committed as a youth. There is one aspect of this whole production that does perturb me. You say that you wrote this book to inform young girls about drinking, alcohol abuse, and the college experience, which motivations to help. That being said, Do you think it’s right that you profit from your deviant behaviors. If you really wanted to help others in your position then you could use the proceeds to build a hospital specifically for young girls facing the same issues you had. It almost seems as if you wrote this book for shock value and to better your future career as a novelist.
I went on your website to see if I was wrong about you, and this is what I found:

What are your plans for the immediate future?

I'd like to keep on writing, reading, paying rent, paying taxes, paying my debt to society. Likewise, I hope to keep traveling, keep pissing people off, keep doing things I'll live to regret.(korenzalickas.com)

Then I learned that you have even sold the rights of the book to a production company. If anything, make sure that this movie is done properly, and that the underlying message of your book is not lost. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that I wrong about you. I don’t believe you have learned. Pissing people off and doing things you’ll live to forget? Didn’t you do enough of that already Koren?? At some point you have to grow up…
There is one thing I wondered about and that is your sister. What did your lifestyle do you her? When she was younger, she was not privileged to your deviance, but she had to figure it out. I hope that she didn’t follow your path, and I can only hope that someday you raise a daughter of your own and teach her not to make the same mistakes you made. I wish you the best in life, but I don’t ever want to meet you.